Argumentation Essay Project
Simone Elias
Bullying: An Unnecessary Tragedy
Solutions for the Problem of Bullying in the 4j School District
I live in the 4J school district and have had several children go through the system. I currently have a son in elementary school who, since starting kindergarten in 2011, has had many experiences with being bullied. My son is adopted and was very proud of it until his classmates singled him out and started to tell him that adopted meant that no one wanted him. Being 6 at the time, he was so shocked it took him almost 6 months to finally come and tell me what was happening. His classmates didn’t stop at just that, though. They excluded him from play, started to get aggressive in class, and finally told him that they hated him. When I approached the teacher she told me that she had not noticed anything and that when my son raised his hand or came to talk to her that she thought he was just going to tattle on someone. After a long while she told me that my 6 year old should just walk up to her and say, “I need to make a report.” However, he was not able to formulate those words during a time of stress.
While I was growing up, my parents taught me that if you have an issue with something, find a solution to the problem. After several months of researching, thinking, and communicating with my children I came up with a solution, a way to help 4J to ‘change’ the bullying issue at hand. I need to add to this that I started off very angry and self righteous. You might say that my emotions would have gotten the better of me, if I would have kept my emotional blinders on. I have found many different solutions and some counter arguments, where others think that it is the natural way for us to deal with pecking orders, or that there is just no money to implement any new curriculum.
I am going to show that there is no money needed. the only thing needed is a mind-set change and common sense. The school already has everything in place that is needed. It looks like I am getting ahead of myself. Let me first explain and show the need there is for some change. I mean, not just my experience, but overall.
I would like to start with some statistics to show what bullying looks like with the United States overall. In the article “The Myths of Bullying” by John Cloud, the author points out that the statement made by the media, that this country is facing a bullying epidemic is an overstatement. He shares the statistics from the U.S. Department of Justice stating that 37% of students feel threatened at school due to bullying. That number, 37%, has not changed significantly for decades . l get that. I totally understand that not much has changed over the past years as far as the numbers go. What has changed, though, is the ever evolving awareness of what is wrong and right. As a human being I pride myself in having an ever changing and growing knowledge base. This helps me improve and mature; to see the pain our children are facing by being mean and nasty to each other.
I have been around for 4 decades myself, and during those decades I have learned many new and wonderful things. My awareness of the mental health industry has made me want to learn more. So, to me, we are and have been for decades, facing a bullying epidemic.
Let me explain with an example of why I say that once you have learned something is right, (and feeling safe, secure, and wanted is not only OK but an inalienable right) it cannot be unlearned. Let’s say a woman is getting beat by her husband. Her mother was beaten by her father; her grandmother was beaten by her grandfather, etc. This woman knows only abuse and has no idea that this is not normal, that she has rights. One day she gets hurt really bad and has to go to the hospital. While there she learns that all these years (decades) she was putting up with ‘abuse.’ Now that her eyes have been opened, she will never be able to go back to just accepting the abuse. Eventually she will stand up for herself and hopefully empower others.
This is what has happened to ‘bullying.’ for decades it has been tolerated and put up with. People have even made excuses for it and come up with ‘benefits’ of being bullied. (It establishes pecking order in social settings; ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger;’ it ‘helps you learn to accept failure; etc.)
Dean Kalahari in his article " Anti-Bullying Campaign Is Just "Hate Crime" Legislation for Kids" says until we were making such a big deal about bullying, kids were putting up with it; not only surviving but also becoming stronger. Furthermore the Author talks about the importance of “bullying” and the benefits. In many ways he questions why we are attempting to fix something that is not broken. He touches on our animal nature, and how very natural it is for humans to have the need to be the top dog.
Yes bullying used to be something that was considered to be healthy, however we did not understand at that point and time the negative effects it had on our youth. With the ever growing empowerment movement, children are being taught to speak out against hurtful, painful and negative experiences. Others take their new found "empowerment" to far IE: Columbine, etc.
I belong to a subcommittee that services Lane County. Within the committee I deal with different ways to help the mental health community to function. The reason I am talking about this subcommittee is, I have learned about ‘funding’ though the committee. I’ve learned how important it is to have funding because money is what makes things happen.
Why would schools need money to implement an anti-bullying system? Good question. In the article “The Myths about Bullying” author John Cloud points out a monetary problem with the anti-bullying legislation. He says that because of the anti-bullying laws schools are being forced, in some cases to buy programs to combat bullying that the schools can not afford. Therefore reducing the schools education budgets even further.
So true, money does play a big part in getting different behavior systems started in school. It is also very sad that some would exploit another's education under the guise of putting an end to bullying.
What are the strategies to address bullying in the 4J School District? Very awesome question. The time has come to put it all together. Bullying is a very ignorant thing to do. I have told all my children that ignorance is nothing more than lack of knowledge. So the answer to the bullying problem is to educate the bullies with the help of the bullied which will empower the bullied and teach both sides that neither one of them is better or less than the other.
About 3 years ago I had this 12 year old boy in my home I will call him Bob. Bob came to me a very angry young man who had been bullied for his entire short life. He was shorter and slighter than most of the boys his age. Bob started school and was very motivated and excited. He, I thought, was fitting in to the new school very well. The school called me one morning to inform me that Bob had physically attacked a boy in the playground for no apparent reason. the boy had been playing with his friends when Bob walked up, grabbed the other boy and started to choke him. He pushed the the boy to the ground punched him, kicked him, and then took his shoe and threw it at him and then threw it across the field. He then finished out his day and came home as if nothing had happened. I was absolutely stunned. I asked the principle what took her so long to call me and where do we go from here? the school did not have much of an answer besides suspension. I asked the school to give my phone number to the victim’s parents and have them call me. Within 2 hours I was on the phone with the boys mom. We must have talked for more than an hour. Both of us are big on making amends and that is what we decided to do. Bob was to go over to the victim’s house and help him clean his bedroom...with him. the lesson Bob learned was that he had a lot in common with this boy and eventually found a friend. He learned to care about others and himself. He learned compassion. His victim learned to stand up for himself and be assertive. He also learned that bullies are usually the way they are because they have scary lives. The victim’s mom also learned that it’s not just the school’s job to deal with bullying. The parents need to be involved as well. So, in effect the ‘plan’ breaks down to three easy steps
- Hold bullies accountable for their actions
- Find a way for the bully to make amends.
- Educate, Educate, Educate!
- Educate bullies on compassion and accountability.
- Educate victims on assertiveness and self-esteem.
- Educate educators about awareness and problem solving.
- Educate parents about involvement and effectiveness.
Closing thoughts: To forgive and move forward is so important in all of our lives. To teach and to learn to make amends (to set things right) can be a big challenge. However the awesome feeling that comes afterwards is better than anything anybody has ever felt.
This is what my daughter had to say about my topic. If people thought and understood things from the others’ points of view then maybe they would not be so ignorant and would not bully others. Compassion may set in for others rather than the superficial look of what’s on the outside of a person.(Small)
Works Cited
Cloud, John. "Breaking News, Analysis, Politics, Blogs, News Photos, Video, Tech Reviews." Time. Time, 12 Mar. 2012. Web. 29 Nov. 2012. <http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2108030,00.html>. I used this article twice. In the beginning and towards the end. He helped me to give two counterclaims, first one about statistics stating that bullying epidemic is an over statement. The second one is about funding, how schools are being exploited to buy new anti bullying curriculum.
Kalahar, Dean. "Anti-Bullying Is Just "Hate Crime " Legislation for Kids." : Anti-bullying Campaign Is Just hate Crime Legislation for Kids. Freedom Choice Cost, 10 Nov. 2010. Web. 29 Nov. 2012. <http://freedom-choice-cost.blogspot.com/2010/11/anti-bullying-campaign-is-just-hate.html>. I used this article as my second counter argument. Kalahar describes bullying as a natural way to chose a pecking order between children.
Small, Mariah. "Compassion." Interview. 26 Nov. 2012: n. pag. Print. I used this in my conclusion
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